Fed Up

Update on Stats

dietdepressed — Thu, 29 May 2008 23:35:12 +0000

Hmm.. is the Lypozene working? It’s almost a week.. lets weigh in:

Weight: 191
Arm: 16.75
L. Thigh: 28
Waist: 33.5
Hip: 45
Chest: 35.75

Also should keep in mind that I just took the Lypozene with a glass of water… wonder if that affects the waist and weight measurement? Also noticed my face is smaller… I should post up pictures, but I think I’ll do that in bi-weekly intervals.

I have been too busy working on the computer that I haven’t had time to exercise. I’m thinking exercise will definitely help out to get it going faster. As for food, didn’t change anything. In fact, I had a pretty full dinner of glazed ham, roasted vegetables with cheese, and rice (this goes against pretty much all diets *laugh*). Of course, I didn’t eat anything after that and went to bed about 8 hours later, so I think that gave me the energy to stay up late to work while using up some of that energy. I went to bed with a grumbly tummy, but not craving food. Weird huh?

Lypozene doesn’t seem to suppress appetite. I think it flushes out body fat. When I go to the bathroom, it seems very thick and soft… something I have never experienced before. Oh, and I pee a lot… maybe there is something to this? If so, it was worth the money, but we’ll see when all things are said and done.

Just got the Lypozene

dietdepressed — Sun, 25 May 2008 21:37:15 +0000

I recently got my Lypozene in the mail. This is day two. But, I’m going to record my stats now:

Weight: 192 lbs
Left Thigh: 28 inches
Left Bicep: 17.25 inches
Waist: 33.75
Hips: 48.75
Chest (under breast): 36.5

OMG, I didn’t realize I was so *big*. It is a far cry from thinner days. If that isn’t bad enough, the most embarrassing thing is I ran out of measuring tape for the hip part… It only went up to 40 inches.

I’m hoping Lypozene helps out. I’m also going to try and get the most benefit by exercising as much as possible while trying to watch what I eat. I think what I’m finding the most difficult is taking it 30 minutes before eating. That means I have to time when I eat, and often it is spur-of-the-moment or there are things going on that make it difficult to be exact. Eating on the fly also means having 8oz. of water around for just in case.

Of course, Lypozene is somewhat flexible. You don’t have to have the pills at every meal, but for best results it is recommended. It was pretty pricey, so I’m going to try to do my best with it.

Coffee for Breakfast?

dietdepressed — Sun, 25 May 2008 21:21:05 +0000

I have my morning things that I can’t live without. I can probably skip breakfast if I have to, but coffee is a must. I recall a personal trainer telling me that coffee helps with losing weight, but unfortunately, I’m one of those people who can’t drink black coffee. This is what I put into my morning cup of comfort:

Flavored Creamer
Cappuccino Mix (a spoonful)
Chai Tea bag
Drip Coffee

To top it off, I drink a couple large latte sized cups of these. I don’t use Splenda (or sugar subs) anymore because I read somewhere that it actually makes you consume more sugar in the long run. Now, I am a little skeptical, but just in case I pass on pouring sugar into my coffee. My new substitute for sugar is the creamer and the cap mix.

Now I’m reading all these mixed reviews about coffee and dieting. I just don’t get it! I wish life were a lot less complicated when it comes to food and weight loss. To help sort it all out, I made a list of the good and the bad about coffee.

BAD:

Coffee fluctuates blood sugar
Associated with eating (ie: coffee & donuts, coffee & muffin, etc)
Associated with stress and adrenaline, and thus cravings
Flushes out nutrients
Repository for toxins like pesticides (wow!)
Interferes with sleep
Raises blood pressure

GOOD:

Suppresses appetite
Instant energy boost (though some argue this masks food’s effect on you)
Caffeine as a Fat Loss Stimulant (many OTC weight loss supplements use it
Coffee alone has virtually no calories and zero fat.

Apparently, what’s really bad about my coffee habit is the things I add into it. Though it ranks nowhere near Starbucks, I’m guessing the calorie and fat consumption is something to think about. I justify this by having nothing else with my illicit coffee. It tastes like dessert and stems my craving.

Lets face it. I’ve tried diets that restrict or forbid coffee and I never last on them. I’m weak-willed when it comes to my morning cup (or 3) of heaven. If I feel that coffee is forbidden and I give in, then I end up caving to all sorts of no-nos, and that’s where the diet goes far south. If I’m going to have it, I just can’t go overboard the rest of the day and perhaps will have to trade off on the sugar.

Huh, easier said than done… but it’s dieting right? It’s war.

When it comes down to it, coffee gives me enough energy and makes me feel happy enough that even when lunch comes around, I’m not binging. However, this may just be because I have added stuff to my coffee and it feels like liquid breakfast. Would I be able to do strenuous activities with a coffee breakfast? Probably not. But since my job is to sit at a computer, I’m pretty okay throughout the day.

Lypozene: Will It Work?

dietdepressed — Mon, 19 May 2008 12:15:59 +0000

In desperation, I have ordered Lypozene. Though I have sworn off diet pills in the past, at the urging of my husband, I’m willing to give it a try. I have certainly entertained the idea of purchasing it each time I see the commercial air. But will it work?

Having a money back guarantee is reassuring, and all those discounts offered while ordering has me getting a large supply, so there is no excuse to fail. It should come in the mail in a few days since I paid for rush delivery. I’m excited about getting it, and planning on other ways to improve my appearance.

I guess this means going back to morning walks, though I really want to get an elliptical trainer for home. I also have yoga and pilates videos that terrifies me (I can’t do the more flexible positions) but I think I need something like that to stretch and tone myself up.

I was thinking of waiting till I get my Lypozene before starting on my weight loss journey, but I think I should start sooner rather than later. I’m just too disgusted with myself right now to wait.

I Didn’t Just Wake Up This Way

dietdepressed — Mon, 19 May 2008 12:05:06 +0000

Of course no one just magically wakes up fat, though we may have “denied” our steadily increasing gains all the way up the scale. Though I’m sure I’m not the only person to dream about one day waking up and finding myself thin, I do not for a moment believe it can magically come true.

I have had many chances to catch myself and turn back the rising tide. I could have kept up on my morning walks & jogs, maintained my daily treks to the gym, and continued to read labels and monitor food intake. On that note, I have triumphed over obesity before. I know the rules, and I know what to do. But knowing this also means that I know how tough the road ahead to weight loss can be.

I am terrified and tired.

I have always treated food as a reward or as a means to de-stress. I recall being awarded with Nilla Wafer Sundaes after an afternoon of chores at my grandmother’s. We would rake leaves and dust the house, then get rewarded with ice cream and cookies. At the same time, she would berate me when I started to gain weight… but I could never figure out why she would scold me for getting fat while offering me sweets or forcing me to clean my plate. It is something that has given me much pain and confusion in my life.

I also recall one afternoon after a difficult day at school, coming home and venting about my day. My mom would comfort me and then take me to the store where we’d polish off a box of ice cream sandwiches before we got back home. We’d giggle and bond over this secret, and somehow all the dramas of the day would disappear. Back then, I was active and didn’t gain weight so much. At the same time, my mom would never get fat, despite these clandestine trips to the store for chocolate or ice cream. I think a part of me remembers this and hopes it applies to myself. No such luck. Of course later I would learn she dieted and exercised in order to lose or maintain weight.

As I grew older, I would go to the grocery store and buy bars of candy and eat them on the way home as fast as I could. I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and didn’t think the consequences applied to me. I mean, did a candy bar really matter? What about that cheeseburger? It wasn’t that big, was it? And somehow, when I looked in the mirror, I denied the inches and the pounds creeping up on me. I denied my way through 65 pounds of extra fat until I could no longer deny it anymore.

I know I didn’t just wake up this way, but I feel like I finally woke up to the realization that I really am this fat. I am no longer fit. I am no longer hot. And now, because of my weight gain, I am no longer having sex with my husband.

It is a painful thing to wake up to, and tonight I cannot sleep because of it. Something has to be done. Something has to change. I guess that something is me.

A Sickening Realization

dietdepressed — Mon, 19 May 2008 11:28:55 +0000

I am filled with self-loathing.

Tonight, I started to have sex with my husband, but something felt different. My body felt different. I tried to get into it, but I all I could think about was my body. How unwieldy it felt. How large it has grown… and I prayed my husband wouldn’t notice.

But he did.

Stopping abruptly, he told me that he couldn’t have sex with me until I lost weight. It was the end and the beginning of me. I didn’t cry, but I was filled with a horrified shame and despair. Perhaps someone out there is thinking that he is the bad guy, that he should love and accept all of me. But a part of me knows he is speaking the truth and agrees with him. A part of me expected this to eventually happen, and always I brush it off. I am in denial and refuse to acknowledge the big purple elephant lounging the couch that I try to ignore. But I knew this day would come, that I would have to look that elephant in the eye and face it, even if it means letting go of the things that has given me so much pleasure and pain.

I guess what it comes down to is choosing between my marriage or my affair with food.